How I dealt with a Hodgkin lymphoma relapse

Hodgkin lymphoma relapse 

When I relapsed, it knocked me for six. I’d moved in with my partner Ollie, we’d had about a year living together and life was really good. I remember waking up and thinking ‘I’ve got everything exactly where I want it’. 

I was working as a teacher in a primary school, which I loved. I’d come home after work and we’d tend to go on a walk or to the gym, and then we’d watch some TV together or have games nights with friends. 

But then I found another lump on my neck. 

When I went for my scan results, I left Ollie in the car because I was like ‘I’ll just go in. It’ll be fine’. But I could just tell when I sat down, the vibe was off, and my doctor turned to me. And I remember her looking at the scan and saying, ‘you have relapsed and you will need more treatment’ and that shattered my world. 

Returning to treatment 

Feeling like I’d gone back to square one was really tough. I think the hardest part for me was putting my life on hold. It felt like I was pausing everything that I loved. It almost felt like I’d been stripped of my identity. 

You’re stripped of quite a lot of your independence because how you’re feeling will rely heavily on the treatment you’re having. There were days I’d come home and I couldn’t do the things I enjoyed. I couldn’t play games, I couldn’t read a book, all I would want to do is go to bed and close my eyes and hope that I would feel better when I woke up. 

There was also, deeper than that, the thought of - goodness me, if it’s come back this time, is that going to keep happening? How long will I actually be around? That’s a horrible thought to have at 23 years old. 

I had more chemotherapy which got me back into remission around Christmas time, but by February 2023 it had come back again. So then I needed to have a stem cell transplant in the summer. I had lots of chemotherapy to get me back into remission, then I was lucky enough to have the transplant in June 2023. 

I was just wishing the days away while I was in hospital because I felt so low, and it wasn’t just the chemo and the physical side effects, it was mentally – I’d kind of lost my way and felt as though there wasn’t really a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Support from Teenage Cancer Trust 

The Teenage Cancer Trust staff at The Christie completely transformed my experience of cancer. I remember I was first diagnosed at a hospital that didn’t have any Teenage Cancer Trust staff, and I was terrified. I walked through the treatment room and I remember feeling so out of place. 

And then I went to the Christie, and I met the Youth Support Coordinator Steve and the Lead Nurse Hanna. I remember going in with all my worries, and Hanna just broke it down for me in a way that I fully understood what was coming and that lots of other people were in this boat too. 

If I ever had a question, no matter how silly I thought it was, they would make me feel so seen and heard, and like everything I was talking about was completely normal. 

And they let me be me, not just a cancer patient. Sometimes I’d be sat having chemo, and Steve would join me and we’d chat and laugh about things that were nothing to do with cancer.

When I relapsed it almost felt like I was faced with this huge mountain, and I didn’t know how to start navigating it or climbing up it.  

But with Teenage Cancer Trust, it almost felt like I’d put my arm around someone, and I was being dragged up this mountain with them. And whatever happened, we were going to get up there and it wouldn’t be on my own. It would be together. 

Through the events Teenage Cancer Trust put on, I’ve met so many people that I consider to be some of my closest friends to this day. We can talk about things you can’t really explain to your other friends, because we just get each other. 

When I went through losing one of my very close friends, Teenage Cancer Trust picked me up and put me back together and made sure that I had time to process and grieve my friend. Without that, I don’t actually know how I’d have dealt with that situation. I think I might have just crumbled. 

The level of support I received from Teenage Cancer Trust was beyond important to me. When you go in for treatment, you feel like you walk into a place that’s safe and where people are just like you. I think without Teenage Cancer Trust, everything would have felt ten times harder. 

My partner Ollie has been my rock through cancer treatment. And having him supported by Teenage Cancer Trust as well took a huge pressure off. I would often think ‘he’s OK because there’s people here for him as well’. 

Returning to teaching  

I always knew I wanted to be a teacher. I’m really proud of how quickly and smoothly I’ve been able to get back into teaching after everything I’ve been through. 

I think the biggest thing cancer has taught me is that anything can happen to anybody, which kind of makes life a little bit scarier, but also makes you appreciate every single moment you have. Enjoying the simple things in life has been huge for me.