At times during treatment, I lost touch with 'me'

For the first two months, I was just surviving 

I really struggled with the side effects of cancer treatment. 

Chemotherapy makes you feel very nauseous and wipes your appetite. I also developed mucositis which covers your mouth and throat in blisters, meaning you cannot swallow, eat or talk. The combination of this and the nausea made me lose 10kg in just two weeks. 

Steroids were horrible too. They caused side effects like severe acne breakouts, huge surges of hunger, weight gain and loss, and worst of all, water retention where my body just looked puffy. My self-confidence took a hit as a result. 

To sum up my first two months of treatment, it was as though I wasn’t living, I was just surviving. I felt like my life had been snatched away from me as soon as I was diagnosed, as if I had been thrown into a whirlpool of hospitals and machines and doctors. 

Luckily, my scan showed that the tumour was 80% cleared due to the high strength of my first two chemotherapy cycles, which meant I could move on to a weaker chemo regimen.  

This was the day where I guess I started to feel a bit more ‘me’. Over the next few months, I did as much as I could – saw my friends, met new people, tried to go to the gym three times a week, and even played in a cricket match. These achievements don’t seem very grand – but cancer treatment is very, very tough on the body. 

I was worried I’d stand out at school 

Going back to school definitely helped as it took a large part of the day up, gave me a distraction, an outlet for my thoughts, a place to focus and learn, and also a place to be myself again where I didn’t feel like I was trapped. 

As beneficial as it was, it was actually very daunting. I went in with a cap on my head, and I felt like this made me stand out and people would treat me differently. 

But although I got the occasional look from someone passing by, I never really had any comments about my hat. I think the fear is much larger than the reality. Because no one is looking at you, and as hard as it is to believe it’s true – no one cares. 

If I were to give advice to a teenager thinking about going back to school after a cancer diagnosis or even during treatment, I would say go for it – if you feel well enough and if your healthcare team agree. The exposure to other people my own age rather than being surrounded by doctors and family all day was much needed. 

Even if you even go in for half a day and go home early because you’re tired (very relatable) I would strongly advise going. It made me feel normal again and made me feel like a child rather than just an ill kid. 

The best decision I made during treatment 

Prior to diagnosis I was very big on sports and health. I went to the gym five times a week and played a variety of sports. After being diagnosed and starting treatment, I felt very down as I wasn’t able to exercise due to fatigue and feeling generally ill. 

My body and my physique has always been a priority to me, so going through chemo and seeing my body change drastically did make me feel quite insecure. Additionally the hair loss and looking different added to the feeling of insecurity. 

My first two cycles of chemo were very toxic and intense, and I was bed bound for most of it. But during the last four cycles, which were gentler on the body, I was able to return to the gym. It was the best decision I made during my treatment. 

It benefited my mental health exponentially. I started to take control of my insecurities and was able to return to doing things that I love. I even started using the gym in the treatment centre whilst having infusions (much to the doctor’s dismay). 

Live your normal life, within your limits 

My biggest advice would be to control the ‘controlables’ and let go of what you can’t control. There’s nothing you can do about the hair loss, the weight gain or the weight loss from treatment. There’s nothing you can do about how people at school will react. 

Cut yourself a little bit of slack – everything will return to normal at the end of treatment. Try and get outside, try and go for a walk, try and play your sport if you can, just try and do some light exercise – it helps mentally and physically. 

Try your best to eat good, nutritious food. Try and see your friends and family – don’t shut yourself off because you feel like a burden or like they don’t want to talk to you, because trust me, they do. 

School may be the last place you want to be, but going in and living your ‘old life’ will make you feel so much better. School for me went from being a chore to being a treat. 

Overall I would say try to live your normal life within your own limits. Just because you are ill right now, doesn’t mean that you will be forever.