The challenges of being a mother with cancer

Diagnosis, symptoms and pregnancy.

I was working abroad without a care in the world when I met my partner Tom. Quite quickly after we met, I fell pregnant and it just felt right. We moved back to the UK and I thought we would live a nice, normal family life. 

My first symptoms started in November 2018. I started to get intense headaches which I’d never had before. Then, I found a lump on my jaw. I thought it must be my wisdom tooth rather than cancer. I had my tooth removed and didn’t think anything more about the lump.

I started to experience nose bleeds, headaches and fatigue. Since I was pregnant at the time, the doctors just said they were common pregnancy symptoms. 

Soon after, I found a spot inside my nose. It kept growing bigger and soon it was blocking off my airway inside. At first, doctors didn’t know what the growth was. After a biopsy, they diagnosed me with cancer. 

As strange as it sounds, it was such a relief when I was diagnosed. I had to fight to get someone to believe me. As a pregnant person, I was made to feel like I was being a nuisance. It was a relief that I wasn’t crazy. I was 34 weeks pregnant at this point, and I started chemo three weeks after I gave birth to Bella, my daughter.

Being a mother with cancer

I had my mum, Tom and Bella at my side. We were an A-team really. Having Bella there was a reason to get up. She was the reason to get through treatment and to smile. She saved my life.

It was tough being in hospital, and I didn’t get to have that initial mother/daughter bond with Bella. My family would come visit me every day with her, but we couldn’t do normal things. I couldn’t breastfeed her because of the chemotherapy. I could barely lift her up as I had lost all my strength. I could barely walk to the front door. 

When we were weaning Bella onto her baby porridge, I had gotten up to go to make her the porridge. My body just wouldn’t let me, I physically couldn’t get up. I was trying my hardest, but I couldn’t do it. I just felt like I was failing as a mum now that I couldn’t even feed my child. 

What I found really hard between Bella and I was that initial bond she had with Tom rather than me. I spent so much time away from her in hospital, which felt so unnatural. It was 300 days from the day she was born to my last day in hospital. 

After I finished treatment, it would hurt me that if she would fall over or wake up, she would always call for daddy. It used to break my heart when I thought she didn’t love me.

Teenage Cancer Trust’s Unit

I tried to ram in as much normal stuff as I could before I started chemotherapy. We had the baby shower and it was the first time I’d seen people since I was diagnosed. I was really scared that people were going to treat me differently, like ‘the girl who’s got cancer’. 

During treatment, I experienced pretty much every side effect and became very ill. I got mouth ulcers, felt physically sick and very tired. I spent 150 nights in hospital over my treatment.

At first, I wouldn’t leave my room and didn’t want to mingle with the other people on the unit. I couldn’t come to terms with my own diagnosis and wasn’t able to listen to other people’s stories as I couldn’t handle my own. I couldn’t even leave my room without my mum or my partner by my side.

However, I started to gain more confidence. The Teenage Cancer Trust staff put on a curry night, and my mum and partner forced me to leave my room. I was just in awe of all these people who were getting on with their lives despite cancer.

There’s no good time to have cancer, but I am glad I was treated on a Teenage Cancer Trust Unit and not an adult unit. I got such amazing support.

The Teenage Cancer Trust unit had every movie you could think of. Having things like that made such a hard time a little less tough. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but we also got free Domino’s every Wednesday and that kept my family going during my treatment.

Ella, the Teenage Cancer Trust Youth Coordinator at The Royal Marsden at the time, organised all sorts of activities. She organised having mine, Tom’s and Bella’s handprints and footprints made into a keepsake. She also organised for customised Converses to be made for me. 

My Teenage Cancer Trust Nurse, Sam, was amazing. I met him within half an hour of my diagnosis. He helped me with literally everything, from hospital costs and writing letters to help me with housing. I could ring him up and talk to him. I couldn’t have done it without him. 

Fertility

As a result of my treatment, I have gone through the menopause and I am not sure if I am able to have any more children in the future. I wasn’t able to harvest any of my eggs because I had just given birth before my treatment. 

I am on hormone replacement therapy which not many people experience at my age. I have more in common with my mum and her friend’s medical issues than I do my own friends. I also am being treated for cataracts. I feel like I’m a 27-year-old stuck in a 77-year-olds body.

Mental health

Mentally, treatment changed me. I still find myself lying in bed, having flashbacks of that horrible time of being in hospital. It was very traumatic. However, I’m grateful to be alive. Each day, I get stronger. 

Motherhood and life after cancer

Now, we’re just your average family of three and two dogs. If I had to give advice to someone else who has just been diagnosed, it would be to take each day at a time. When I was on chemotherapy, I was getting so poorly, and my next dose kept getting pushed back. I would say if you can get to midnight, just get to that. Even if it’s one hour, just get to that. 

Being a mum is the most rewarding and hardest job ever. I am so grateful to have my beautiful little girl. Each Mother’s Day that passes is another milestone that we have reached together. This will be my fifth Mother’s Day, I wasn’t sure if I’d make my first. I am so grateful to still be here and watch Bella grow up into the lovely little girl that she is.