My first Christmas after finishing treatment feels magical

First symptoms 

In October 2021, my mum noticed that I had some swelling on my cheek near my ear. It started to grow quite quickly so over the half term we went to go to the dentist as we thought it might be an abscess. I was given some antibiotics and when they didn’t work, the doctors sent us to A&E, and we were seen in the Ear, Nose and Throat unit.

I was transferred for oral surgery and initially they thought it could be a blocked saliva gland. I had the surgery on Friday 19th November, and I was called in the following Monday for the results. I was shocked when they said that I had cancer. It was rhabdomyosarcoma, which is more commonly found in the lungs, but mine started growing from my jaw muscle and spread to the back of my mouth.

My mum and I tried to stay positive, and we had lots of support from friends and family, but it was hard. I went back to school after my three days in hospital because I like school and I thought it would help with my mental state.

The following week I was back in hospital having intensive chemo. I was having chemo as an inpatient for two days every three weeks.

My tumour was initially deemed low risk, but they sent some of the tumour from the biopsy to Europe for research and the tests showed that I was high risk. That meant that I needed to have more chemo. I had nine cycles in total with four different types of chemo. I had a feeding tube for four months and couldn’t have any food orally.

My proton beam therapy started in May 2022, and I was quite lucky to not have too many side effects. Proton beam therapy just targets the cells that need destroying, rather than the good cells around it. I wasn’t nauseous or tired, but I did look like my cheek was burnt and I had mouth ulcers.

How treatment affected my identity

I used to have long blonde hair and it was my comfort blanket. I was a real girlie girl, so losing it was a big deal. It made me feel insecure. I also have an indent in my face where the tumour was, and I have scars. I have struggled at times, and it has been difficult, but I’ve started to realise that it’s ok.

If anyone is struggling with how their scars look, I would say that it gets better, and the scars will fade. I’m now proud of mine as it shows what I have been through. I battled cancer and made it out the other side.

Teenage Cancer Trust’s Unit and my Youth Support Coordinator Angie

Angie is brilliant. I was there for five weeks, which is a long time, so it was nice to have Angie around. I didn’t have to seek her out; she always came to me to check if I was ok. It was nice to have someone looking out for me and I knew she was there if I needed anything.

Angie also arranged pizza nights from Domino’s and introduced me to other young people who had cancer. They were closer to my age than the kids in Addenbrooke’s, so it was nice to meet people who I had things in common with. I had maintenance chemo first where I took oral chemo tablets daily and went in every month for an MRI, and every three months for an X-Ray. I finished my maintenance chemo in October 2023, and I was excited as it’d been two long years.

Looking forward to a first Christmas after finishing treatment

I had treatment up until Christmas Eve in 2021. I wasn’t sure I’d get home for Christmas, but I managed to go home at 10pm on Christmas Eve. I was so worn out from the treatment that it didn’t feel like Christmas to me though. I felt so poorly. I spent most of the day asleep.

I’d normally go to my dad’s for a couple of hours and then back home and spend some time with my grandma and grandad having dinner, a nice dessert and then watching some festive films. I couldn’t even have nice food because I had a feeding tube in due to how much weight I had lost.

By Christmas 2022, I had finished intense chemo and was on maintenance. I was still tired, but it was a much better Christmas as I didn’t have the feeding tube and I was able to sit around the table with everyone else and enjoy a proper Christmas dinner. I also felt really grateful as I thought about how far I’d come since last Christmas. It made me appreciate it even more.

The time leading up to Christmas feels so special this year as it the first Christmas in two years where I won’t be on treatment. This Christmas season I seem to appreciate the smaller details more, such as being able to put up the Christmas tree with mum as the last two years I wasn’t well enough to do so. I also appreciate being able to spend quality time with friends and family and being able to participate in activities that I wasn’t able to for the past couple of years.

It hasn’t felt like Christmas at all for the last couple of years, but this year it’s feels more magical than ever. I’m most grateful for the fact that I will be able to enjoy Christmas Day without feeling rubbish due to treatment and also knowing that I will be able to sit at the dinner table enjoying Christmas dinner with my whole family with a heart-warming atmosphere. Cancer has taught me to appreciate the smaller things in life as they are the most special.